Fighting windmills.

I know that feelings come and go without a trace... but I am afraid my disappointment might last longer than I want it to, this time. I really hate feeling disappointed, I think it's a waste of energy, it often means wasting thoughts, anger, tears, emotion on things that don't mean anything or shouldn't mean anything.
I can't help feeling disappointed AND disgusted today, in a way I had experienced very seldom so far.
I am disgusted at myself and my stupidity. I am sad I wasted years of my precious time to just get humiliated and treaded on like an ant. I am not an ant, fuck, despite what some soi-disant intelligent, enlightened fucker thinks.
I tend not to regret things I do out of love, passion, friendship, faith. I know it's wrong and useless but this time it's the only feeling I get.
I picture myself all curled up somewhere with sand flowing from my hands and that's basically what I've got out of all this. A bunch of dust and the awareness that I'm just an idiot and I tend to trust people who don't deserve an inch of my attention, my care, my love, my concern.
I give to much and get doors slammed in my face in return.
Well thanks.
I'll be sitting near the river and waiting for your useless bodies to float past me.
But still, I hate myself the most for being so naive.