The power of reminiscing is amazing.
I was finishing off a report on a project I've done for uni and opened up my thesis file again because I needed to check something in the bibliography... Several weeks have gone by since my graduation day, and an ever longer time has elapsed since I pushed enter for the last time and considered my work as completed, and mixed emotions collapsed on me with all possible strength and violence as soon as that file was gazing at me from the computer screen.
I was totally stressed out in the end and couldn't wait for it all to be over, and what was certainly beyond the most vivid imagination was that at some point, sooner or later -sooner than later indeed- I would miss the limbo between finishing my exams and my graduation like crazy.
I miss most of that time, possibly because I am still overwhelmed by the result I got and by the awareness that I made it, that I have overcome an outrageous amount of pain and difficulties and that I am standing somewhere new, with new enthusiasm, new motivation and new goals to reach.
I miss the days I spent in front of the pc screen, moaning about the workload, the pressure, the university itself and blaming myself for being way too self-critical.
I miss the insane amount of hours that went by between one paragraph and the next, in an obsessive quest for perfection that made me rewrite the same sentence over and over again until it sounded smooth enough, elegant enough, pretentious enough but not too much.
I miss the nights I spent on the computer and the hectic exchange of e-mails with my awesome supervisor. He's dedication in person; I still feel guilty for depriving him of essential hours of sleep and for obsessing him with my paranoid attitude and I owe him big.
I miss the support I got from the people who care for me, and I'm grateful I've been under such pressure because these are the times where the truly important people come out, those who really care. My bf, my family, my friends... each of them in their own personal way never failed to make me feel they were there, regardless of the distance, of our busy schedules, of different timezones.
I miss going to bed at 5 in the morning and sleeping until mid-afternoon, running for an hour on the treadmill and then starting to work again.
I miss obsessing my friends on MSN and complaining I don't know what I should write next.
And I still find it hard to believe that this all means so much to me that it makes me cry.
I was finishing off a report on a project I've done for uni and opened up my thesis file again because I needed to check something in the bibliography... Several weeks have gone by since my graduation day, and an ever longer time has elapsed since I pushed enter for the last time and considered my work as completed, and mixed emotions collapsed on me with all possible strength and violence as soon as that file was gazing at me from the computer screen.
I was totally stressed out in the end and couldn't wait for it all to be over, and what was certainly beyond the most vivid imagination was that at some point, sooner or later -sooner than later indeed- I would miss the limbo between finishing my exams and my graduation like crazy.
I miss most of that time, possibly because I am still overwhelmed by the result I got and by the awareness that I made it, that I have overcome an outrageous amount of pain and difficulties and that I am standing somewhere new, with new enthusiasm, new motivation and new goals to reach.
I miss the days I spent in front of the pc screen, moaning about the workload, the pressure, the university itself and blaming myself for being way too self-critical.
I miss the insane amount of hours that went by between one paragraph and the next, in an obsessive quest for perfection that made me rewrite the same sentence over and over again until it sounded smooth enough, elegant enough, pretentious enough but not too much.
I miss the nights I spent on the computer and the hectic exchange of e-mails with my awesome supervisor. He's dedication in person; I still feel guilty for depriving him of essential hours of sleep and for obsessing him with my paranoid attitude and I owe him big.
I miss the support I got from the people who care for me, and I'm grateful I've been under such pressure because these are the times where the truly important people come out, those who really care. My bf, my family, my friends... each of them in their own personal way never failed to make me feel they were there, regardless of the distance, of our busy schedules, of different timezones.
I miss going to bed at 5 in the morning and sleeping until mid-afternoon, running for an hour on the treadmill and then starting to work again.
I miss obsessing my friends on MSN and complaining I don't know what I should write next.
And I still find it hard to believe that this all means so much to me that it makes me cry.
